Happy Birthday
by Little Phili
Summary: It's Lovino's and Feliciano's birthday again. But like usual no one cares about Lovino. Only his brother. So Lovino does what he always does when he feels depressed. He hurts himself. But what happens when Antonio sees his favorite Italian do this to himself? Spamano! Rated T for selfharm and depresstion. Please read this!


**AN: So today's my birthday and I thought that I would make a cute Spamano birthday thing, because I'm just that odd. By the way this is suppose to be depressing. Well enjoy peoples! **

**I so very wish that I owned Hetalia. But I don't so…. Now on to the Spamanoness! **

Another year. Another year of being in the shadow. The shadow of his brother. Today was both Romano's and Italy's birthday. Everyone has been telling Feli happy birthday and talking to him threw out the whole party being thrown for the two Italians. Though it seemed like it was only for the younger of the two. It was almost midnight and no one has even said one word to Lovino. Everyone was just giving all their attention to the younger Italian. Like usual.

But Lovino was used to it. This is how it was every year. Even they were younger this happened. Grandpa Rome even took Feli away from Lovino on their birthday. The old empire did always love the younger Italian the most.

Even though he was used to all this. He still felt terrible. Just simply terrible, horrible and depressed. No one cared about him, not even one little bit. They all just like his brother better. Why wouldn't they? The Northern part of Italy was so much better than the Southern after all. Feliciano was cute, innocent, kind, caring, sweet, happy, and great at everything he did. He could make anyone happy with just his smile. He was just perfect. His name even meant perfect. The name suited him so well. And what could Lovino do? Nothing. He was terrible at everything. He was mean, rude, cold to people, bitter and just no fun to be around. He never smiled and always wore a frown. He could never make anyone happy. He was nothing special. Plus he hated his name. The name Lovino meant ruin. And that's what he did. He ruins everything. So his name suited him as well.

As everyone talked to one another, Romano walked up stairs to his room. No one would bother him up there. They were all too busy talking to his perfect brother. The Italian opened the door to his room and walked in. He walked over to his dresser and opened it. Inside lay a shinning sliver knife. Lovino lifted it up and looked at it, running a finger on the flat of the blade.

This deadly knife was his friend. It gave him more pain, but still it was needed. He hated this blade too.

He rolled up one of his long sleeves reliving scars that crossed his once scar less arms. Each one he had made himself. The Italian raised the sharp blade to a scar free area on his arm. It was right under his wrist. He took the knife and dogged it into his flesh. A pain shot through his arm as he did this, but he didn't stop. Soon a red crimson trail of blood ran down arm. He stared as the blood dripped off his arm onto the floor.

He hated this way of dealing with his problems, but he couldn't stop himself from doing it. But why keep his arms perfect if he wasn't.

As he did this, Spain had just came to this party for the Italians. He was running a little late this year. Well he never really could go to the parties because of work, but he was able to make it this year. He looked around the room filled with people to find the grumping Italian. But he couldn't see him anywhere. He looked around some more. Still no Lovino. The Spaniard, walked over to Italy who was talking to Germany.

"Hey Feli do you know where Lovi is? I got him a gift for your guy's birthday." The happy Italian shook his head.

"No. I haven't seen fratello. Maybe he's in his room!" He said. Antonio smiled at him.

"Gracias! I'll go give him his present! Oh and here," He handed one of the gifts in his arms to Italy. "That's your present!" The Italian smiled.

"O grazie big brother Spain! Ve!~" The Spaniard walked away from the German and Italian, looking for his little Lovino. He walked up stairs and opened the door to the older Italian's room.

"Lovi happy birth-." He stopped in midsentence. What he saw shocked, and scared him. It was Lovino with a knife in his hand, blood running down his forearm and falling to the ground. On at arm were long scars. Many long scars. He stared at the Italian with wide eyes. "L-Lovi?"

Once Romano heard the Spaniard's voice, he hid the blade behind his back even though his secret was already out.

"W-what the hell are you doing here? Don't you knock at all bastard?" He asked, hoping that the Spaniard didn't see the knife. Antonio walked into the room and walked over to the Italian.

"Lovi…. What are you doing...?" He asked, looking down at Lovino's bloody arm.

"N-nothing! Get out of here jackass." He said backing away from the Spaniard. After he took one step back, Antonio grabbed his wrist being careful of the wound.

"This isn't nothing!" He yelled. "You're hurting yourself Lovi, why?" He asked looking into his golden brown eyes. There were a pain in those eyes. Romano's eyes started to form tears, as he looked away from Antonio's face.

"It's none of your damn business…." He mumbled. Antonio took the knife out of the Italian's hand.

"Lovino," It was serious when the Spaniard used his full name. "Tell me please….. I want to know why you would hurt yourself like this…." The younger nation didn't look at him.

"You won't understand….." He said looked down the ground.

"Then help me so I can understand." He said. "Lovino look at me please." The Italian shook his head. "Please…" He said again. Lovino looked up at his green eyes. The usual happy joy that bounced in his eyes were gone. What filled them instead was a deep green of worry, caring and seriousness.

"Because…. I hate myself….. I hate everything about me. I hate how I look… I hate my personality… I hate how people see me…. I hate how I can't do a single thing right…. I hate how perfect my brother is…." Tears started to fall from his golden eyes. "And I hate it all. I even hate doing this to myself…. But I can't stop…." His voice shaky now. Antonio looked at the crying Italian. He pulled him into his arms dropping the blade onto the ground.

"Lovino….. Don't hate yourself… I care about you so much… You may not be good at things…. But you try your hardest…. You're perfect just the way you are…. You're so beautiful and wonderful…. Even if you don't see it I do… I care about you too much to see you in this pain…." More tears ran down his face, at his words. Did Antonio really think that? He couldn't have.

"Y-you don't mean that." He muttered threw his tears. The Spaniard caressed his beautiful auburn hair.

"Oh my Lovi…. I mean every word I said." He whispered to him. He pulled back a little and wiped the tears away from Lovino's eyes. "Lovino I love you…. Please don't do this to yourself…. It hurts me to see you in so much pain.." The Italian's eyes widened, as more tears fell. He buried his face into Antonio's chest, crying.

"T-ti amo Antonio.." He said. The Spaniard leaned down and kissed his head.

"Lovino, if you ever feel like hurting yourself again. Just call me. No matter when or what's going on at that time, I'll be here with you… Te amo." The Italian nodded his head. For once his birthday was different. Lovino had someone there to care for him and love him. "I will always be here with you." He whispered.

"G-grazie Antonio…." Lovino mumbled.

"De nada Lovino… Remember how amazing and beautiful you are. And that I love you so much." He nodded and looked up at Antonio.

"I-I love you too…" The Spaniard smiled, and gave him a light kiss on his lips. The younger nation closed his eyes and his face got red. It felt like they were floating on air. Like nothing in the world mattered more than that moment. Which it didn't. It was just perfect. After a while they broke apart smiling at each other.

Even if it started off terrible, it ended up being the best birthday of Lovino Vargas's life.

**An: Yep this is what I do on my birthday. I come home from shopping with my family only to have two hours before I go shopping again, and with those two hours I write a depressing but yet cute Spamano fanfic while eating strawberries and brownies that my older sister made for me. The perfect birthday don't you think? Well I hope you all liked it! Have a good day and review! Little Phili out!**


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